Pet Grief & The Holidays
Last month, I had the pleasure of co-hosting the first of a series of panel events with Paula Rivadeneira of Cholla Afterlife, Dr. Kellie Bartlett of Kindred Spirits, and Andrea of Pura Vida Pet Care. We’ve called this offering Gentle Transitions for Pets & Their People – twice-quarterly panel discussions in the Tucson area designed to provide comfort, understanding, and connection with others who are curious or going through end-of-life transitions with their pets. It was a sweet and powerful evening that, despite the heavy topic, felt warm and caring.
Running this first event at the time we did – in early November, just after Sowhain/Halloween/All-saints Day/All Soul’s Day and before the holidays – felt like especially good timing. This part of the year is incredibly difficult for those who are grieving their pets, whether their loss is upcoming, recent, or in the distant past. With the emphasis on togetherness, tradition, and moments of comfort with our families and loved ones, it’s hard not to find memories of those we’ve lost around every corner – and that includes our animal companions.
We talked about this quite a bit, because it’s sometimes a type of grief that people try to minimize. As professionals who do a lot of work around pet grief, we try to remind people that this pain is very real. Pets are unconditionally loving family, and just like any loss, it can take a very long time to not feel overwhelmed with emotion whenever they come to mind.
At the end of the year, we tend to take stock of all that has happened to this point in our lives – or at least everything within the past twelve months. When we look back on what we did to navigate a particularly hard time, we remember our pets being there for us with unconditional love. Or, maybe prior to this loss, you also lost someone who shared their own special bond with your pet. In such cases, you might also find yourself grieving the loss of a living link to that person. Across my career as a healer and intuitive, I’ve seen all of these dynamics unfold in countless ways.
People feel a lot of guilt about “moving on”. Many of us are preparing to host family and loved ones for the holidays, which means tidying up our homes. If you hadn’t already gotten rid of your pet’s toys, bed, or other physical reminders of their presence, now is a common time to face this choice. Do you hold onto this memento? Do you pass it along to another pet owner who could use it? If it’s not fit to be donated, do you throw it away?
There isn’t one right answer. Where one person might feel sadness or guilt, another may feel confusion or even anger. You may feel all of these things at once. Grief can leave you frozen, but it might also spur you into feverish action. It can take any amount of time to move through the depths of these emotions.
That vastness of experience might be intimidating, but I think there’s also something beautiful about it – especially when we make the space and sit with it. Our panel is meant to provide guidance in this way. Those of us who work with pets and their people in the twilight years have witnessed just about every way grief can manifest. This is to say, we want people to leave feeling validated – you’re not wrong for feeling this way, and you’re surrounded by people who know it.
While everyone’s process is different, we are all unified in that we’re experiencing it together, without judgment. I even noticed some of our attendees connecting with one another, sharing their stories. People were feeling supported and hopeful, knowing that others understand. That’s the thing about the weight of loss – it’s easiest carried together.
If you’re based in the Tucson area and need a light to guide you through the grief of losing a pet, I’d love to welcome you to our next Gentle Transitions panel event. We’ll be hosting our next gathering sometime in the new year, and you can also always find more information and future dates here. These events are free and open to you and your loved ones.
And if you find yourself needing 1:1 support, you can always learn more about my offerings or book a session. I look forward to helping you heal. 💖
